the way things change

Due to some recent change that decided to nose their way into my life just as I was beginning to instigate some order ’round these parts (see: weekly posting of short stories), I’ve had to do some thinking. Thinking isn’t a bad thing. I do a lot of it. I love thinking. Thinking and I, we go way back. Thinking and I have been doing some work and discussing some things and just wanted to have a little bit of a heart to heart with you, the blog, so you know where I’m at right now. Thinking thought it would be a good idea.

So, as we know I work at a vet clinic, and recently there has been some…upheaval. In the way that may or may not be beneficial to me. We’ll see. What this means for you, little blog, is that I am going to be changing the days I post because my entire life has been faceted around the days I work at the clinic and so I must now re-tailor things to fit in a more appropriate manner. I will be working Tuesday through Friday, and boy, am I excited to have Sunday’s off. It feels like a little miracle if I’m honest. I’m excited. I’ll be working different hours – getting up earlier, getting home earlier – and I am very much hoping that that will mean that I have more time to dedicate to truly getting work done. I may have to become slightly more dependent on coffee throughout the day…but even if that’s the case it’ll be worth it. I’d like to have more time to work on my writing and I think the only way I’ll be able to do that – and part of the reason I am so excited about my schedule change – is making sure I’m able to force myself into a rhythm and force myself back into writing every single day. I did so well around this time last year, when I managed to finish two manuscripts in two months…and then I just fell of the wagon completely.

Well, wagon, meet my ass. We will be back on you by the END of September.

In other words, Auberon’s next posting will be sometime NEXT week, after the 30th. I am not sure when. Unfortunately due to my insane work schedule (working almost 8 days in a row in order to transition) I won’t have a ton of time to get settled until next week at the earliest. I’ll be writing when I can, but I won’t be able to do proper editing (lol) of the chapter before next week. That’s okay though, it’ll give me a little bit more time to work on some things – like the “covers” etc which I immediately fell behind on. I got a little bit overly excited…I’m hoping I can get ahead of the game in September so I don’t feel so behind and all over the place.

We’ll see how that goes.

I honestly think that’s all I wanted to touch on today, although I’ve wanted to write a really thorough post on a few different things lately…so maybe I’ll do that a little bit later and see if we can get any more active posts up while we’re waiting to post Auberon. That sounds like a good enough idea to me.

Muchly. ❤

silence on the home front;

Been quiet here lately. Not even crickets sounding off. There’s a good reason though, I promise.

I’ve already failed this portion of my quarterly goals, but that’s alright, because it’s helping me make sure I get to another part of it. I missed last week’s blog post but I’ll be posting an additional post tomorrow. That post will be the beginning of a short story serial that will be going up in a weekly format, and will hopefully be something you’re all interested in.

It’s the story of a girl named Auberon, who has spent her entire life wanting to escape and have freedom on her own terms. She just wants to be able to live her life as she sees fit, and decides to settle down in a small town she’s never heard of, slowly making herself something that might last. There’s just one small thing though…this town isn’t exactly as quiet as most small towns are supposed to be. This town is sitting on a secret, and Auberon might be exactly the person it needs to uncover it.

The story is, if you’re looking for a genre breakdown, a YA paranormal/supernatural piece. It’s going to be posted weekly, every Thursday evening, and I’m really excited to share it with whoever is going to be reading it.

Back to radio silence – I’ve got some finishing touches to work on.

Muchly. ❤

lavender, conventions, & nimona too

Usually I sit down to blog posts and have absolutely no idea what I’m going to talk about. Today, however, is different. Not only have I done things since this blog post, I have things I want to talk about. So weird, I know. I’m wondering if I should pick up a format or something but really I just think I’ll randomly update you all as I see fit, because if I give it a format that will make it a little less exciting and a little less me. I am organized, you see, but only to a point. I prefer my organization with a flair of chaos to it.

So over the last week I: got drunk, went to a lavender festival, went to a book con (book fair?), picked up old projects, and took a really exciting bath.

We’ll skip the drunk, fast forward through the lavender festival (it was really great and super pretty and I went with my girlfriend for her birthday but we had no money which was a great thing because we would have spent it ALL and we decided that Sequim is a wonderful place and that we both wish we were already retired so we could live there because it’s perfect except it doesn’t rain enough), and pause on the book con:

It was the Capital Indie Book Con, that was held at the Evergreen State College, and it was so fun. It was super tiny (as it was a local indie book con) and I’m really not sure how much publicity was gotten for it. It seemed like a mostly word-of-mouth sort of thing, but it was a fun little event. I, of course, didn’t go as an author but merely a reader. It was incredibly interesting to see the marketing that some of these authors did for their novels. And it was an “every genre ever” sort of con so nothing was left out. There was speculative fiction and fantasy, erotica, historical fiction, even a few non-fiction pieces and authors there. In all my friend and I – also a writer – ended up spending about two and a half hours milling around the booths, talking to authors, getting a feel for it all. Once again I was very glad I was broke. If I hadn’t been when I walked in, I would have been when I walked out.

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Nimona, by Cait Spivey – photobombed by my jewelry, pet pictures, and pens. Lots of pens.

I did walk out with two books and a piece of art though – albeit the art was free and from a WONDERFUL author named Cait Spivey, whose book I immediately went home and picked up on Amazon. I will be reading it soon and will post a review as soon as I do! In the meantime, she sent me home with a watercolor piece of Nimona, a character created by Noelle Stevenson, and I about died of excitement. Obviously I had a favorite person there. I can’t help it. She loves Nimona, I love Nimona, she gave me art…and what I was able to read for the concepts of her stories seemed absolutely wonderful. To say I’m excited about her existence and her work is a bit of an understatement. (Nimona is now hanging across from my other shaved-haired-favorite, Ronan Lynch, on my desk. They are friends. Probably. Not.)

Then in other news, I had an exciting bath, but that was mostly just because I used the bath as a meditation exercise that involved planning for #Rory, and I was able to get the next plot point worked out that I was having issues with. So, I’m happy there too. Gus and I just got back from a walk and I’m going to sit down to get a bit more writing done – and check off my blog post on today’s to-do list. 😉

If you’re reading, hi, I hope you’re enjoying. Otherwise I’ll just click ‘publish’ and send this into the void. Although it’s a very friendly, helpful void. I like you, void. Let’s be friends.

Muchly,
Renee

lofty goals & intimdation

 

Okay, so. I got this idea. I had this idea. It was bequeathed to me. Actually it was seen in a video and sounded like a great idea so I decided to do it. It was this video, actually, by an author named Jenna Moreci whose vlogs I’ve been watching pretty consistently over the last few weeks. I’ve been impressed by her debut, Eve, and I love her presence on camera as well as the incredible dedication she seems to have. So I figured what better form of flattery than pick up one of her habits and see how it works for me?

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I have a feeling that I’m going to be drinking a lot more coffee than I’m used to in the following months.

I’m not really a “goal” sort of person. I’m not organized, like at all. My desk is a mess, my notes are my mess, my mind is a mess, my novels are a mess…I’m a messy person. That doesn’t mean I can’t tidy shit up though. I’m a Virgo and that’s supposed to mean I’m a perfectionist so I’m going to start acting like it (and stop acting like the anxiety-filled-neurotic freak I am when it comes to organization and thus my constant lack thereof!!!). So, with the inspiration of Moreci, I’ve decided to implement QUARTERLY WRITING GOALS!

Some of these goals are the following:

  • Finishing 2nd draft of #Werewolfuckery
  • Updating the blog weekly……….
  • Posting my serial short story
  • Doubling word count on my #PantsingNovel

These are not all of the goals, and some of these are lofty (like finishing the 2nd draft of #Werewolfuckery – that is asking for a little much of myself. Although I can’t say I don’t think I can do it. I can, it’s just…where the intimidating part of the title comes in). I’ve got tinier goals too, some that will help me achieve this bigger goals, and some that have absolutely nothing to do with them. I’ve got from this evening to the end of September to finish them. I’m giving myself to the end of the month because I didn’t get to start this until the middle of this month, and that seems fair to me, probably.

I literally have no idea how this is going to go because I’m not good at lists, or goals, or really any sort of life organization, but I’ve got someone in my life all of the sudden who is really good at these things…and she might be a good influence on me, but we’re not going to admit than anywhere that she knows where to look.

In the meantime, I’m one-twelfth of the way to finishing one of the goals as of this post! Whoo! (Oh, here we go.)

Muchly and always,
Renee.

loss and gains

Explain absence. Don’t apologize. Explain coming out, and then losing Peepers. Maybe don’t cry. Maybe do. Explain how hard crying is. How easy it is at the same time. How it’s all you want to do, but you feel like there’s not enough of you to keep doing only that.

I tried to outline everything that’s happened over the last two weeks so that I could tell you, dearest blog, but I don’t think I can. The more I try to explain it in my mind the more confusing and upsetting it becomes and the less I want to talk about it.

So I’ll just say these few things, and hope this sums it up.

First: I came out to my dad and most of my family the Saturday before last. It was nice. It feels freeing. It’s so strange to feel like myself, utterly and without fear.

Second: The same week my oldest cat, seventeen year old Peepers, fell ill. She hadn’t been feeling herself for about a week. It progressed. Diagnostics were run. Nothing came back good. Her last night as home was spent with her sleeping on my chest as I brushed out the fur she had given up grooming on her own. I felt terrible. I hate that our last night was me grieving. The pre-grieve. I hope she knows how much I loved her.

Third: I can’t stop crying. I don’t want to stop crying. My face swells up and my cheeks warm and the water pours from my eyes and I don’t want to stop. Instead I want to sob, and sob, and sob until she comes back. She won’t. I know that. It doesn’t change what I want, though.

I’m sorry this was so sad, dearest blog. But I am sad. That’s just how things go sometimes.

I miss my cat. I hope you all understand.

Not very much at all,
Renee.

on the absence of anxiety and timeliness,

Today was an all around good day. I woke up, I went to a staff meeting, I came home. I felt – for the first time in a very long time – like I could sit down and genuinely relax. Like my mind was clear, anxiety not bundled in my chest. It was a strange feeling. Of course it was welcomed with open arms, but the embrace was wary. When you have genuinely “good days” as rarely as I do, wariness comes with the territory. I’m like a dog with a history of abuse. I want to trust it, want to know that I can relax and fall into the feeling like a summer camp trust exercise. Ultimately though, I know that most of the time the feeling is fleeting. In fact, the moment I realize and acknowledge the feeling, it almost always disappears.

So today was an anomaly.

I sat brewed myself tea. I turned on my essential oil diffuser. I considered for a moment the pro’s and con’s of getting work done. Then I realized that these days truly come to me once in a blue moon and that I shouldn’t waste it worrying about something like work. For once, on a day where I genuinely felt that I could enjoy it, I needed to take the day for myself. So that is exactly what I did.

I “lost” my phone for most of the day and it wasn’t until the minute I picked it back up that any mention of anxiety even blossomed. It wasn’t until dinner, when I was sitting having a frustrated textual conversation with a friend who wasn’t even at dinner with me, that any other feeling than utter relaxation set in. Honestly, even that couldn’t change the way today went for me.

I cannot explain to someone who doesn’t have anxiety how absolutely freeing it is to be able to see myself and be so utterly content to give myself a well-deserved and needed break. So, today, the only reason I’m sitting down and writing this is because I promised that I would write posts twice weekly. The only reason I’m here is out of obligation and because I wanted to make sure to document this wonderful day. For the record, all I did was drink tea, nibble chocolate, watch Mozart in the Jungle…and spend a wonderful evening with some wonderful people. It was good. I needed it. Thank you, self, for doing well today. I’m proud of you.

Muchly,
Renee